These days, I frequently find myself idling around and engrossed in thoughts, courtesy the spare time on offer during vacations. This has often led to over thinking and my questioning myself as to how I landed upon this ‘self-discussion’ in the first place. Yesterday, during one such session, I came across a question which I’d kept on dodging for the past few weeks to avoid wastage of time during the sessional exams. The question was, ‘Am I leading myself or being led by the society?’ This was not the first time that this thought occurred to me. But in all the previous encounters, I’d successfully eluded it. This time, I felt like forcing myself to think upon it.
It is not that I’ve never decided for myself, but it is a fact that the ‘thing’ which I’m working upon will certainly not make a life which I’m made for. Agreed, engineering does give a more secured future than most of its counterparts, but it definitely doesn’t guarantee me a happier one. I differ greatly from my ‘engineering-friendly’ friends in many ways. My friends never get tired of recommending various text books and reference books when asked, and all that comes to my mind when the word ‘book’ is pronounced is Christie and Brown. There are times, when I have tried reasoning out that a particular subject might not be my cup of tea, but it has slowly dawned upon me that I’m actually travelling in the wrong train.
Nevertheless, I decided to focus on the positives that life has to offer and move on. My best friend’s favourite quote further enhances my confidence, ‘Apna kuch to ho hi jayega’. And as they say, ‘It is after choosing engineering, that you come to know what you actually want with life!’
Once Upon A Time Reloaded, The Fourth Diary Entry