Love, Relationships And All That Jazz…

Came the 14th of February and DDUians were up and ready with their on and off valentines – “books “. Long drawn faces, sleepy eyes, unwashed clothes, bespectacled with oil, and yet in their walks was a hope – hope of a smile, hope of a blush and a nod from their secret crushes.
Valentines – an occasion of love and happiness – reminded me of a word I dreaded the most “commitments”. When I first came into college I was always so inquisitive and eager. I and my friends always tried to spot out the “cute” guys who would take your breath away. “Browsing Facebook”, “asking around”, “following them” – we did everything possible to get their history geography and chemistry. I always wondered with so many cute guys around, why should I get committed to one.
Obviously If I could eat a variety of fishes everyday why would I instead choose to eat only ‘pomphret’ everyday?
“Commitment”, such a heavy word that comes around with a heavy baggage scared me (or so I thought). My idea of love was a little conservative (the happily ever after types). And on a more serious note maybe I was trying to run away from my own insecurities and weaknesses. Maybe I was just scared of taking the responsibility of my own decisions. As Ayn Rand quotes it “To be able to say I love you, one must first be able to say the ‘I’”.
I would always make arguments with myself if I was serious about the guy or not or whether I would be able to keep my words or it was just an excuse for running away from the more important things like career, responsibility, studies, etc. And after tiring my grey matter, I would eventually turn my back to commitment. And of course countering your parents could also be an issue. Thus with so many complications I thought it was best to avoid commitments.
Just like we check for the specifications while buying a laptop, I had specifications for guys also!!! But they don’t come with specs and labels, do they? And then as if to wake me up, to contradict all my beliefs, I met “the guy” (he hardly had the specs I wanted yet he was awesome). There was the usual cycle of acquaintance, friendship, and eventually commitment (chain of promotions you see). And I didn’t even get the time to tire my grey matter.
I won’t say my life has become heavenly blissful or it’s like a fairytale. It’s not like ferrero rochers but there is something sweet about it. Something that keeps me smiling like an idiot when I am alone, blushing when my friends tease me, shying away when he looks at me intently! I don’t expect much right now and I have no idea how it will work out, if we are in for a long haul, but there is something true blue about it. Keeping all the ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ apart, I would say ‘parapapapa I’m lovin it!’ All in all, I discovered that sometimes it’s just about jumping into the freezing cold ocean, not thinking about the chill i.e. to enjoy something while it lasts and not worry about the future. Rather than “Looking before you leap” just take the leap of faith and cross your fingers for the best.

Megha Desai

About Alok Nimrani

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